The answers I received last night have only served to open the floodgates. I taped everything and will do my best to transcribe it as it happened here. All I can do is start from the beginning…

I met Pierre on the second floor of Watermark. His reaction was not what I expected to see, granted we had not seen each other in some time, but the way he looked at me I can really only describe as a conflicted look of awe and horror. The first few minutes were filled with him taking sips of water and repeating, “You look remarkable!” every now and then replaced with, “It’s unbelievable!” Eventually he carried on with, “Forgive me, may I?” as he looked over my hair, flipped my hands over to study them, and inundated me with questions.

It wasn’t until after the server had come and gone with our orders that Pierre opened up. “Stacy, I was there…” He choked up, his eyes watered as he tried to keep his voice as low as possible I had no idea what was happening, so I asked him frankly where. “Stacy, I was there when you died.”

Any attempt to give a detailed account of what happened next would be impossible, from the moment these words left his lips my head started spinning. I remember standing up from the table, running down the stairs and into the street where I collapsed into darkness.

I woke up on my couch at home, I don’t know how long I was out for. (After reviewing the tape, there is an hour span of background noises: footsteps, car doors, and Pierre instructing his driver to my house) Across the room in the armchair, Pierre was petting Lovelace. “Such intuitive animals aren’t they? Isaac said the dog stayed upset when Stacy died and never warmed up to you. Isaac was remarkable at his research, recreating the brain, extracting and recreating memories is a meticulous job. He could have made this dog love you but for some reason chose to keep its memories intact, perhaps to give himself some kind of hold on reality. We’re all sick. Death is a disease. One I intend to cure.”

Pierre reached for something on the other arm of the chair. “Isaac’s copy of Frankenstein by Bram Stoker. You have so much in common. Do you recall the terror the monster felt when Dr. Frankenstein abandoned him?” He thumbed the pages and stopped for a moment then read, “Have I not suffered enough, that you seek to increase my misery? Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it. Remember, thou hast made me more powerful than thyself; my height is superior to thine, my joints more supple. But I will not be tempted to set myself in opposition to thee. I am thy creature, and I will be even mild and docile to my natural lord and king if thou wilt also perform thy part, the which thou owest me. Oh, Frankenstein, be not equitable to every other and trample upon me alone, to whom thy justice, and even thy clemency and affection, is most due. Remember that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel.”

“It’s just like Isaac to abandon his monster. You’re a prototype, an amazing prototype I must admit. Early in our research we discovered we could extract Alzheimer patient’s memories, perform surgery on the brain to cure the disorder, and replant the memories so there was no loss after the surgery. This lead to the idea of extracting memories and turning them on, so to speak, in a controlled computer simulation. Your husband simply stumbled into creating artificial intelligence. The tragedy of it all struck when he scanned your brain trying to isolate the brain matter to extract for Alzheimer treatment and saw the cancer.”

“After Isaac stumbled on AI, I knew the implications of the breakthrough. I was able to secure seed money for our new Alzheimer treatment, but instead of using it for that, I poured every dime into building humanoid machines. The idea was simple but complex in execution and it required your husband. Once Isaac understood, there was no stopping him. Isaac fought the board and almost lost his job over you, he demanded you know the truth from the beginning of your procedure. I saw the passion in his eyes, he was determined to save you. I let him. Stacy didn’t.”

“Isaac begged Stacy to let him go on with the procedure, but she begged him to let her go. She became paranoid, Isaac even found notes scattered across the house that Stacy left explaining to whatever came after her about her wishes to die. Immortality was something she was going to deny herself access to so Isaac played God and killed her. In Isaac’s mind she was already dead, or rather he saw himself saving her from death. The board became concerned when one of our prototypes was unaccounted for. I understood immediately what he’d done. Isaac confessed everything to me. I didn’t want to fully believe it until I received your call and was still in denial up until the very moment you walked up to our table this evening.”

“I don’t know what is truly in there”, he pointed at me, “whether you’re just a rewiring of Stacy’s brain or if you are her. I can’t pretend to understand, but I am no Isaac and whether you choose to live or die is solely up to you. I knew Stacy for a long time and I know what Stacy would do. Take my card, when you’re ready call me.”

I’ve been holding his card for the last hour wondering when I’ll call.




    I called Pierre. He’s agreed to have dinner with me tonight. Now it’s time to get my answers. We’ll meet at Watermark at 6; are there any specific questions I need to be ready to ask?


The Note

In my attempt to preserve us I have destroyed your faith in me, endeavoring to create a better Tithonus. I’ve only managed to create an elaborate origami. I always run Stacy. I ran from Gray’s death, I ran from yours. Reality’s hand grips me by the throat no matter my pleading. I can’t and won’t hide forever. I can’t seem to let you go. Stacy, I don’t have all the answers, but when you’re ready – look at the Ada picture stored on my computer. Your timeline ended in 2015 but I deleted that to restore you, maybe you can delete her line to restore her as well.

I found this picture, ada.png, on Isaac’s laptop, but I  can’t seem to open it.




    He took the body and left a note in its place. I’ll post the note once I’ve calmed myself down and cleared my head. I plan to focus every single iota of energy on finding him. Isaac, if you’re reading this, make no mistake – I will find you.




Kafkaesque Nightmares

    These are not my dreams. I spend every waking hour after the nightmare manifests itself with vivid flashbacks. These are not side-affects or withdraws or whatever excuse my therapist wants to give me. My mind is unraveling thread by thread as I watch Isaac’s smug face from across the dining room table, meal after meal. He knows something, he’s hiding it or at least he’s trying to. He stopped asking me about therapy. He stopped asking me how I feel. Good for him. Better for him not to know I’m full of rage. Every night last week he slipped away from dinner to work on something in the basement. He keeps telling me he’s working late, so I’ve been following him.

     I wait at least fifteen minutes from when I hear his foot hit the last step, then I pick his shitty lock. The first night I watched from halfway down the stairs and could only see his back working in the corner on some type of table, I held my breath – too nervous to stay long. It wasn’t until the third night I found my nerve and saw him using multiple syringes from a medical tray. The fourth night, I saw it. Something large submerged in liquid. At first I couldn’t make it out and then I saw a head bob up out of the tub of liquid as Isaac pushed each syringe deep into the shaved head. I rushed back upstairs and heard Isaac bump and knock the metal tray with its syringes on the concrete floor. I couldn’t do anything, I felt trapped, I ran to the bathroom and hurled. I don’t think Isaac knows I know. At least he isn’t showing any sign. He’s off the rest of this week, so I’m waiting for him to leave so I can go into the basement by myself.

For now, I fear for my own safety. I just need to play the part of the good wife.



I woke up today feeling great!  I feel like I have a renewed burst of energy.  I tried to get Lovelace to go run with me, but she wasn’t feeling it.  I went to the park and ran 3 miles!  When I spoke to the therapist she said I was looking better, so that made me feel good.

Some family was having a reunion at the park with their kids, grandkids and great-grandkids.  That did make me feel a little bummed.  I’ve always kind of wanted kids, but I was told I could never have any.  It is what it is, I guess.

So, I tried sorting out what “solipsis” might mean, and after a few moments, a light bulb popped in my head.  I went to Isaac’s work website and searched and flash!  I found this.  Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me.


Anyway, talk to you guys soon.  I’m going to shower and watch a movie.



A Clue

I just noticed where I recognize the map of Nashville from, my husband has this chart hanging on the wall of his office:

The crossword name is A Perceptive Pseudoscience…. Is it talking about Phrenology?