I’ve been a little depressed recently. Last week, I went to lunch with a group of friends that I have known since college. I was really excited about it because I hadn’t hung out with the whole group in years. Everything was going great, and then Amanda started reminiscing about this trip that the four of us had taken to Jamaica when we were 19.
Everyone was chiming in with memories of the food, the drinks, the hotel, the guys, the guys, the guys, lol. It was such a crazy trip that most of them had never even told their husbands about it! I stayed quiet throughout the conversation because I realized very quickly that I had NO memory of this trip whatsoever. How could this be? From the way they were talking, this trip was what solidified us as a close-knit group of friends. How could a milestone like that be completely wiped from my memory? I tried my best to pretend that I remembered it because I was too embarrassed to tell them.
I went home and cried for a long time. I went to take Lovelace for a walk, but she just kind of laid there by the door. She has never refused a walk. At that moment, I identified with her. I can’t explain it, but now I just feel isolated and different. I plan to talk to the therapist about it this week.
On the other hand, I did have a pleasant dream last night about going to the beach. When I woke up this morning, I remembered a trip that Isaac (my husband – I don’t think I’ve ever told you his name!) and I had taken years ago. I rifled through my photos and found this one:
I really miss going to the beach. We used to go there at least once a year. I can’t remember the last time we went there (ha! I wonder why that is). I talked to Isaac about it this morning, and he said when I’m feeling better we can go back. I guess it’s something to look forward to…